Michigan, We Need To Talk About How Stink Bugs Are Evil
As the weather warms up, we open our windows a bit more in our homes and the bugs ascend from the depths of which they were spawned. More specifically, stink bugs.
A while back I wrote an article talking about things you may not know about these horrible, disgusting creatures thinking it would help me understand and maybe, just maybe, at least respect their existence.
Let me tell you, though, since then my hate has only grown stronger and I am convinced they know this.
See, besides being able to secrete a variety of nasty scents from their hard, nasty bodies, these things are fast. Whether they are walking or flying they can get from point A to point B in the blink of an eye.
This is especially horrifying when you hear it buzzing around, you see where it lands and look away for half-a-second and it is halfway to a new location.
All of this considered has led me to the conclusion that stink bugs know how awful they are and are using it against us. They get a sick joy of watching us freak out and I have had enough of it.
They more or less are just trying to find a nice place to chill, which is fine I guess, but why do they have to follow me!?
Just the other day I was chilling on the couch, watching TV and this thing just kept going back and forth on the ceiling right above where I was sitting. Then every so often it would start to fly around and I would get up and run away until I saw where it landed.
I think they know I am scared of them and I think they also know that I can't do anything about it. I can't squish them because of the stink and also just the sound of crushing them gives me the heebie-jeebies.
The only thing I can do is either wait until my boyfriend gets home or get our off-brand Roomba vacuum thing out and flick them off the wall into our "Deebot's" path. I'm not even joking when I say this, I fed Deebot like six stink bugs the other day and I'd do it again.
I try to be humane when it comes to bugs. For example, with spiders, I try to catch them in a cup and fling them outside but the very second I see a stink bug, all humanity goes out the window and I will do anything I can to exterminate it.
Really, one time I took every bathroom chemical and cleaner I could find and just attacked a stink bug trying to either suffocate or drown it.
Another time I put together this contraption to trap it that involved tin foil, Tupperware and dish soap. It looked a bit like this:
So if any stink bugs have figured out how to read this, you are evil and if you come near me it will not end well for you. I am the John Wick of killing stink bugs...tell your friends.
All in all, I think stink bugs are one of the most evil insects on the planet and there is really nothing out there that will change my mind. They exist to annoy us and they THRIVE knowing it works.
If you are like me and at least want to know a little bit more about the things that torment you, here's a look at some facts about stink bugs:
7 Things To Know About Stink Bugs
I know my fear and hatred of stink bugs is probably pretty irrational but here's a look at some creatures from around the world you should absolutely be at least a little afraid of:
WATCH OUT: These are the deadliest animals in the world